Abundance is a communal act… Community doesn’t just create abundance –
community IS abundance. If we could learn that equation from the world of nature, the human world might be transformed. 

                                                                                                         – Parker Palmer

This year, spring has been taking its time to return.

Although it still has not fully sprung, I have been savouring some of the hallmarks of our seasonal transition – like the well-missed early morning stream of sunlight kissing me awake, bursts of cherry blossom trees adorning the streets, the harbour waters coming alive with kayakers. And, of course, smiling passersby, responding (like me) to all the evidence of abundance as we finally emerge from hibernation mode.

For me, winter is about coming home to myself in inward ways; this season is more about connecting outward, including renewing social relationships. As I exchange words or smiles with those who cross my path throughout the day or spend quality time with people near and dear to me, I notice how these genuine moments of human interaction in my daily life, too, have a graced and powerful way of bringing me more deeply home to myself.

The other day, a vivid image sprang to mind – the sacred circle – from a pocket book, once gifted to me by a friend, called Awakening Kindness, by Pema Chödron. And her wise words: “You are always standing in the middle of sacred space, standing in the middle of the circle…. Everyone who walks up to you has entered that sacred space, and it is not an accident. Whatever comes into the space is there to teach you” (p. 59).

These words, as always, have the effect of opening my perspective to the reality of our interdependence, getting me more curious about the range of my daily interactions, and reminding me of the holiness of every encounter in all dimensions of my life, whether fleeting or more constant. From this vantage point, I can’t help but perceive others, and the web of all my experiences, in fact, through the lens of appreciation, acceptance and love.

We all have seasons when our social networks will ebb or flow, depending on our in-the-moment circumstances and life stages. There are times when solitude seems more fitting, or we need space to grieve losses or work through challenges in our various relationships. Some of us identify as extroverted; others, introverted.

But when it comes right down to it, we are by nature social animals; we are wired to connect and have a fundamental need to experience a sense of belonging. As innumerable official sources tell us, our blessed supportive social networks – from friends, to family, to work colleagues, to wider community – are a key determinant of our health, longevity and well-being. They help us to navigate our life transitions. Spending quality time with nourishing empathic relations has the capacity to bring our emotion regulation systems into balance, releasing that feel-good hug hormone, oxytocin, shifting us into a more relaxed parasympathetic mode.

The return of spring: A celebration of our web of life and the felt sense of abundance that our relationships and communities offer us. We are here for one another, and have the awesome capacity to bring one another home to ourselves.

As you move through your day, notice who has joined you in your sacred circle. How are you experiencing your various interactions?  Which feel connecting and nourishing, however you define this for yourself? How can you create more opportunities for such moments of relating?     

Here is a version of an exercise I love to practise when I feel in need of a sense of care and connection. You may want to pull out of piece of paper and coloured pencils, or simply close your eyes and visualize:

Imagine yourself in the middle of your own sacred circle.

In your own time, call to you any person you know or have known (or perhaps, even, will know) with whom you have felt understood, accepted, respected, supported, or uplifted.

Feel these beings surround you, perhaps allowing a loving circle to form itself around you.

Feel free to invite in any other cherished supports as well, like beloved companion animals, places in nature (for me, the ocean is a great refuge), perhaps even the non-physical, or your ancestors. Sense the care and love radiating toward you; allow yourself to bask in this abundant field of love.

Know that you can regularly tap back into this field as a daily practice to connect to the felt sense of loving community.  And like many other similar exercises, through the power of visualization and taking in the felt sense of this imagined experience, we are positively impacting the neuro-networks and well-being of our brains and whole selves. (See this short article by Rick Hanson for more info.) 

And for those of you interested in connection and compassion in the workplace, I would recommend this great book, Awakening Compassion at Work: The Quiet Power that Elevates People and Organizations by Monica C. Worline and Jane E. Dutton. 

In human beings courage is necessary to make being and becoming possible… The acorn becomes an oak by means of automatic growth; no commitment is necessary. The kitten similarly becomes a cat on the basis of instinct. Nature and being are identical creatures like them. But man or woman becomes fully human only by his or her choices and his or her commitment to them. People attain worth and dignity by the multitude of decisions they make from day to day. These decisions require courage.  

                                                       – Rollo May, The Courage to Create, pp. 13-14  

Over this past week, I have witnessed all sorts of acts of courage all around me:

~ a friend initiating an honest conversation with his partner to end a comfortable, yet deeply unnourishing relationship

~ a beautiful, feisty elder expressing her feelings, in the moment, about facing the next uncertain phase of the aging process

~ a colleague’s tireless efforts to advocate for herself (and by extension, others) regarding health concerns

~ a relative following her intuitive pulse to create the kind of work that aligns with her heart and felt sense of a deeper purpose on planet earth, despite judgements by others

~ thousands of individuals expressing their truths and deeply cherished values of human equality, respect and love, in the form of a woman’s march during times of global transition…

Just to name a few.

Courage evidenced all around! And as I sit here now recalling these acts, I feel a warm, expanding sense of inspiration within. Suddenly, I notice that I feel more solid in the core, rooted, now, even mountainous.

All these instances, which tap different dimensions of courage, including the moral, the creative, and the social, reveal a commonality to me: the willingness of individuals to move with their fears and to choose to take actions that spring from a place of truth within. To me, these are moments of courageous authentic living.

There is something foundational about courage. As put by May, “The word courage comes from the same stem as the French word coeur, meaning “heart.” Thus just as one’s heart, by pumping blood to one’s arms, legs, and brain enables all the other physical organs to function, so courage makes possible all the psychological virtues. Without courage other values wither away into mere facsimiles of virtue.” (The Courage to Create, p. 13)

Courage is the engine that propels us, moment to moment, as we navigate daily life on planet earth. It companions us through our endings, the sometimes murky swamps of the unknown, and into our new beginnings. It shows us the way through our inner and outer obstacles, through the tangled weeds of our fear-based belief patterns.

And it helps us to show up a little bit more every day, just as we are, perfectly imperfect, to create lives that pulse with vitality and authenticity.

As the fabulous Brené Brown explains in one of her inspiring books, Daring Greatly, the courage to be authentic is what truly transforms our lives. And it is not an easy road, as it involves leaning into the discomfort of uncertainty – facing fearful experience(s), taking risks and being willing to expose ourselves. “We must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen.”

To me, the good news is that we all are inherently capable of courage. I don’t know about you, but during those times when I feel the impulse to run the other way (e.g., all good intentions muted by pounding heart, dry throat, nattering of unhelpful self-talk…), I aim to remind myself of that well of courage within and the countless times in my life that I have practiced courage.

And we all have repertoires-in-progress of tools during those times to continue to exercise the muscles of bravery. For me, this is what some of my body-mind-spirit courage practices can look like when I am holding back from showing up in a genuine way in my relationships, my work, my daily life:

• I allow myself to be with the sometimes excruciating sensations of fear (or anger or sadness…) as they take their fleeting course through my system… then visualize a flow of self-directed love to all the cells of my precious being and to fear itself
• Reach for the phone to talk it out with a beloved friend who knows me very well
• Focus on the in-and-out of my breath, following it gently and deliberately incorporating gentle brief breathing exercises throughout my day. (Fritz Perls once said something like, “Fear is excitement without the breath.” Remembering this helps to shift my perspective every time!)
• Move my body gently, as in along the ocean walk or in green space. Or move my body vigorously, allowing for the surge of adrenaline to run its course. Sometimes I play my courage anthem song-of-the-day and do my warrior walk with purpose.
• Pull out a pen and scribble down as many challenges as I can, big and small, that I have successfully handled. (When at a loss, I ask good friends for examples of challenges I have courageously navigated.) Read them out loud. Bask in the energy of courage, knowing that this practice will impact me down to the wiring of my brain.
• Envision the victorious end outcome in all its juicy details and emotional textures, and keep returning my attention to that embodied sense.
• Return to my meditation practices, which bring me back in attunement with my radiant Self, my true source of power.
• Challenge myself by committing to courageous follow-through – and just do it (as they say) with oodles of self-love and willingness to learn.

Courage inspires courage, and when I pay attention, I don’t have to look very far to be encouraged, through my fellow travellers’ courageous examples, to continue to choose to walk my talk and live from my centre, moment to moment.

For those of you eager to be inspired by stories of courage, here is a moving TED Talk – 10 Seconds of Courage: Life Lessons from a Fighter – by a female champion in martial arts.

And for those of you interested in learning more about the practical neuroscience of practices of building resources like courage, listen to this interesting podcast talk, A Courageous Brain, by Dr. Rick Hanson.

Every year, as we transition into the New Year, I am not one to set out with an arsenal of New Year’s resolutions clenched in hand per se. Having said this, the turn of the year for me (like many) is always a time of reflection – a time to consider the year’s victories, appreciations and learnings. As well, it is a time to envision the life I wish to continue to create and the changes I would like to make happen.

As I was playing backgammon with my father during my holiday visit, the juicy words “FEELING GOOD!” kept reverberating within – almost as a sweet reminder to keep growing this habit (or perhaps, rather, this way of being) unabashedly. Then, just the other day, at a NIA dance class, the instructor echoed this prompt when she proclaimed the words, “Source Pleasure!” And so, this blog is devoted to a very significant topic: the savouring and celebration of moments of sheer good-feeling, fun, delight!

As a child of hard-working immigrants, I grew up with the unconscious belief that life is hardship. Various societal messages of “no pain, no gain” also reinforced this perception. Don’t get me wrong: my parents were loving and I had lots of good times growing up. But the underpinning belief that I, somehow, unconsciously learned is that life is suffering, and it is only through suffering that one truly grows.

Back during my counsellor training days, I first came across readings by a number of key players in what is called the field of positive psychology – or the scientific study of human flourishing. They rocked my world, affirmed what I already knew, and encouraged me to continue to engage in practices that helped me to shift from a mental stance of expecting suffering to flourishing. And my practices – such as singing, ocean-walking with friends, gratitude – had me understand on a visceral level that creating experiences that bring joy and nourishment not only feel good, but they are truly  an investment in my well-being and those around me.

Frederickson, a pioneer researcher in Happiness, has these wise words to say:

“The old story is that anything that feels good is mere distraction – trivial, inconsequential, and therefore expendable. The new story – backed by science – is that these same good feelings, activated through natural and ordinary means, are the active ingredients needed to produce an upward spiral toward flourishing. Whereas the old story leaves people feeling guilty when they “take time” for something that makes them feel good, the new story can give people the courage to cultivate, protect and cherish moments that touch and open their hearts.” (Positivity, pp. 29-30)

She goes on to explain how our brains are designed, since back in the caveman days, to focus on threat for survival’s sake. So nowadays, we still have a well-developed “negativity bias” which lead us to put our weighted attention on the “negative” in our lives. For example, at the end of the day, we might dwell on that one unpleasant conversation we had in the grocery store rather than the glorious day as a whole. Furthermore, positive emotions like joy, awe, and interest tend to be more subtle and fleeting than negative emotions. And so, we need to regularly create more positive-feeling moments to help us to counterbalance our tendency to focus on the more unpleasant elements in our daily lives and develop a deep reserve.

In other words, allowing oneself to “play” – particularly during times of tremendous stress and potential upheaval – is a wise choice to make. According to Frederickson, here are some benefits to practices that nurture positive emotions:

• They feel good
• They broaden our vision, opening us up to see possibilities and the bigger picture
• They bolster resilience
• They enhance physical, emotional and psychological well-being
• They rewire our brains and, over time, change our default setting from a focus on the “negative” to the “positive”

While I am a staunch believer in the importance of being mindful and honouring of all of our experiences (the so-called good, the bad and the ugly), I also believe in prioritizing practices that enhance feelings of positivity and deepen connections to myself and all that is a part of the web of life.

So, 2017: I invite in more backgammon, song and heart-connecting adventures! 

I also invite you to take a few moments to scan your day and recall a pleasant experience you had, even fleeting, like friendly words exchanged with a passerby or a glimpse of an otter bobbing up and down in the ocean waves. Where were you? Who were you with?  What had just happened? As you relive this experience, let the feeling grow. What other such experiences do you wish to create in the days to come?

Here’s to sourcing pleasure, upward spirals and a year ahead studded with good-feeling moments.

And here’s a great article written by Fredrickson, which expands upon the benefits of positive emotions.